雅思作文首段名师修改

以下为学生的雅思作文习作首段及我的简短修改,供备考雅思的同学们参考.

Some people think that old people should not be forced by law to retire at the age of 60-65 if they wish to continue working. Do you agree with this point of view?

A much debated issue these days is whether the old people should be forced by law to have a retirement when they are at the age of 60-65, without considering about their own wishes. Although the government wants to make the old people have a better relaxation in their latter lives in this way, personally I do not agree with this idea in the following reasons. 审题不清, 立意不明

Modified: As medical science develops rapidly and people's living conditions get better and better, the world has seen a growing population of old people. Recently, whether old people must retire at the age of 60-65 has become a much debated issue. Whereas many argue that we should set up laws to force the old to retire before they reach the age of 60-65 in order to reserve more jobs for younger people, others insist that only elder people themselves have the final say in this issue. Personally, I am in total support of the latter argument for the following reasons.